BABY NAMING!

WELCOME TO:

ELIYA ASHENAFI BENMOSCHE
ELIYA EVIGDOR BEN NEHAMA RAYZEL v'YA'AKOV MOSHE

We had a wonderful celebration with family and friends on Saturday night and laughed as our little Eliyashu (that's what we are calling him most of the time) ran circles around us as we gave our heart-felt speeches.

Please send us your pictures!

first cousins on their way to the naming together!

happy and proud imama


our family's first aliya to the Torah together, just before the blessing of his name

siman tov u'mazel tov! dancing with our beautiful little boy

For those who couldn't make it, or for those who couldn't focus on what I was saying as Eliyashu was running circles around me, here is a copy of my speech:

Journies are usually in the middle somewhere
Last week's journey to Ethiopia was somewhere in the middle of the longing
and the process of becoming a new mother

It is somewhere in the middle of your journey too
My little Eliyashu
You were born in a tukul in rural Ethiopia
Your Ache, your first mother
Gave you your powerful name
Ashenafi—the winner
You rose above
You were a winner
You continue to move beyond the places your family could go
And your life
Your journey
Has now brought you here

And this week's Torah portion teaches about a journey
About leaving Egypt
About becoming a people
About beginning a journey to independence
They stand at the sea
Ready to cross over

And you stand here with us today
Ready to cross into a new life
Leaving some of the old life behind
But holding some of it with you
Because our history makes us who we are
Your Ethiopian history
And now, too, your Jewish history

When I first thought of you, my dear friend Andy and I were in Ethiopia
We were celebrating Pesach, Passover, the story of this Exodus
The hardships of birth and becoming

I passed through some of that hardship in the years since
When I first prayed for your soul in community,
For the right time for you to come to us
You were 9 days old.
We sang and danced
And we waited

It seemed like forever
As we read the stories of Bamidbar, the wandering in the desert
My soul wandered
And as the desert can sometimes bloom
I found the blossoming of my soul
When I found your Abbaba
Lost in my wilderness of sadness and despair
I found a heart
Beating like mine
Open to life and love
Open to loving me as I’ve never been loved before.

At the end of the book of Devarim, as the journey of the Jews moved to a new place
We knew we were ready to be your family
Lo bashamayim hi
It is not far up in the heavens
U’vacharta b’chayim
Choose life—
My bracelet with that saying,
The theme of my first trip to Ethiopia
Became the Shabbat that your Abbaba and I chose each other
And just before the Jewish story began again
The day before Kol Nidre
3 generations of women
fell in love with you for the first time
just hours after visiting the resting place of your namesake, Charles Eli Bar
for my very first time.

I told the world I was on God’s time
B’sha’ah tovah
When the hour was right
And today
I believe
It is the sha’at bracha
The hour of blessing
And you are perfect.

I love you. . .

I also wanted to post Jacob's speech. It was so beautiful. We didn't share our speeches with each other--maybe just a few ideas here or there, but we ended up mentioning some of the same key memories, which just goes to show that we were one the same page and it was the right one!



Hi, Everyone. Shabbat Shalom and Welcome.

I am really happy to see all of you and really grateful that you came to celebrate this momentous occasion with us. The joy is in the sharing, I am learning. So thank you.

Today, Nehama and I have gathered you all together to temporarily erect, in this space here at West End Synagogue, at these Shabbos afternoon and Havdalah services, our community. Early on, when we were talking about the type of ritual we wanted to create for our child’s baby naming, we both agreed on the importance and the power of community, both for us individually and for us as Jews. There is something really moving and awe-inspiring by the knowledge that all of us have come together to create the extended community into which we welcome this child. This is one of the very things we envision to be a source of nourishment, joy and love for Eliyashu.

My dear, Eliya Ashenafi, Eliya Evigdor.

Today, Imama and I are giving you the names you will be known by in the secular and the Jewish communities. In our Ashkenazic Jewish tradition, it is customary to name children after the deceased. This honors the dead and keeps their memory alive.

Your Hebrew name, Evigdor, was my father’s Hebrew name. His English name was Victor. Victor, meaning, “He is a winner.”

Of course, being adopted, you come to us already a person, with a name given to you at birth. Your birth name, Ashenafi, means “He is a winner” in Amharic. The week that Imama got your referral, we talked about the amazing coincidence – or more rightly, the clear, unmistakable sign – that you, Eliya-Ashu, were meant also for me, and me also for you, and the 3 of us were meant to be a family.

You will carry on the memory of my father, and I hope these qualities he possessed will strengthen you:

*Live simply: Life has much to offer, but most of its offerings are not things. May your abundance be joy, love, family, Torah and the pursuit of justice. Take only what you need, share generously with others, and respect the Earth and its resources.

*Persistence: Go forward strongly in the direction of your dreams. You will sometimes need to take a break. But, as my father did, circle back to try again. Don’t give up. (Imama and I know you are already learning this skill!!!!)

*Independence and Independent Thinking: Be your own person, and let others be themselves. Imama and I are very different and our love grows because we respect our differences and let each other be who we are.

*Courage: Take big risks, trust in yourself and others, and face the difficult things. Do this as soon and as often as you can. Remember that the unknown is always scarier than the truth. The one thing you cannot recover is lost time. All that comes from putting yourself out there in the world is your reward.

Eliyashu, the Hebrew word for adoption, Emutz, comes from the root of strength and courage. The first time I wanted to propose to your Imama, we were at synagogue and Cantor David Berger was there – who read Torah today when we all went up for our aliyah to the Torah. It was the week of Parshat Nitzavim, in the Book of Deuteronomy. In Nitzavim, Moses has reached the end of his life and his leadership. He must transfer power to Joshua, who will lead the next generation of Jews into the promised land.

Moses tells Joshua: “Hazak v’Ematz, Be strong and resolute: for you shall bring the Israelites into the land that I promised them on oath, and I will be with you.”

Eliyashu, although Imama and I are not quite ready to transfer power and leadership to you right now, much to your day to day dismay, you are our next generation. May your experience, the challenges and the blessings of being Imutz, adopted, be your Ematz, your strength and courage. When the times does come for you to lead, Imama and I will be with you.

coming up for air

we've been home for a couple of days and we're doing pretty well. . .some days are better than others, but so far we're all still managing to get enough sleep, nutrition and time to play to survive.
we had an appointment with the pediatrician on monday, which was pretty traumatic for all three of us. he had to have blood drawn and we all needed to help hold him down. that doesn't even account for the vaccinations he got. but he even smiled at the doctor a little, so it wasn't too awful.

it had been fun to see what foods he will eat and what he won't. sometimes it depends on his mood. yesterday he scarfed down a buckwheat pancake, and this morning, didn't want it. the same thing happened with mac and cheese.

he has decided that he wants to help with the cleaning. . .but i am not sure he helped as much as he cried when i tried to do some of the sweeping instead of letting him proceed with his technique. LOL. . .


some of the sweetest moments have been cuddling before bed. we sing him the sh'ma at night and last night when i put him to bed, he was singing along for a couple of notes. we have also been teaching him to say brachot (blessings) before eating and when we say amen, about 50% of the time he answers amen, too.

he's getting a little better at sitting through books, but he still only makes it through a page before slamming it shut. maybe when he understands the words it will be more interesting. . .

but as you can see from the book, we are still working on both english and hebrew with him and we hope to join the new york city group that does amharic classes once a week for adoptees too. with any luck he will be quadrolingual in no time :) (spanish is also a goal--in jacob's neighborhood it is basically the first language)

REMINDER :)
Join us at West End Synagogue this Shabbat afternoon at 5 PM for his naming and celebration of joining the Jewish community!

pictures :)

click on the link below and check out pictures from our trip :)

http://web.mac.com/nehamarose/iWeb/Site/ethiopia%20with%20ASHU!.html

we had quite an experience. . .

if you haven't let us know if you are coming on the 31st, please send us an email.

nehamarose@gmail.com
lieberman_j@yahoo.com

thanks for keeping up with us!

email from ethiopia from jacob

Hi Everyone,

Don't know if the blog is working or not, the internet runs very slowly in Ethiopia, not to anybody's surprise. But, I am glad for it so I can share with you more recent developments.

Our son has been adjusting beautifully! We spent some time with him on Friday and Saturday at the care center. Saturday, as you may have already read, was a big improvement. He smiled at me and Nehama and Nehama's mom, Denise, giving and blowing us kisses. We had good outside time. He loves to play on moving vehicles! The faster we go, the bigger his smile. My heart just melted when he fell asleep on me and then broke when I had to give him back.

Sunday, we had an intense but really rewarding trip south to Hossanna where we had a chance to meet our son's birth mom. Nehama had the longest conversation with her of all the adoptive/birth parents' meetings and Denise and I were waiting and wondering how it was all going. Denise was worried, but I thought that if it were going longer, that was a really good sign. In the end, it was a good sign! We had a sweet and moving entrustment ceremony between birth and adoptive parents and then celebrated with a traditional Ethiopian coffee ceremony. I cried both times I had a chance to greet and hug our son's birth mother. What an amazing and wonderful opportunity. I tried to remember everything I could so that one day I can add the details of my memory to what our boy learns about his birth parents.

On Monday, we took our son back to the guest house where we are staying for the first time. Nehama picked him up and carried him in the baby Ergo carrier on the bus ride. We were nervous about how he would do, but apart from being a little moody - it wasn't our idea, but we were scheduled to get him right in the middle of his nap time! - he was okay. One thing that's definitely true about this kid - change is difficult for him, but not impossible. After he warms up, he does just beautifully. He slept in Nehama's arms during the better part of what would be his nap time. Then we played together with his little school house toys in the guest house. We gave him his first bottle from us on Monday at the guest house. He ran like a fiend to get it from us. We couldn't get it ready fast enough! When we took him back, I carried him and he was very reluctant to let us go. It was good for the nannies to see him so attached to us. I think they need the transition
as much as we do.

Yesterday, I was sick in the morning. Thankfully, not too bad. Seems like I drank some bad water, or something. I've been taking medication and will be just fine. Nehama and Denise picked up our son at the care center for his goodbye party which I was very very sad to miss. Apparently, he was having a tough time, too, and missed much of it. Thankfully, they got it on video. In the afternoon, when I was up, he was asleep. Then Nehama and he went off to the US embassy to get his visa for travel. We are all set to bring him home tomorrow!!!

Last night, we had our first night all together in the guest house. At the care center, they have all the kids above 12 months on potty time. So, we tried it too, after dinner. No luck. Then we played some more and went back to our room. We tried some more with potty time. Still no luck. We gave him a half bath as is his custom, and then I got the pleasure of putting him to sleep. We sat together with him on my lap while he sipped on a bottle of water. As he seemed to be falling asleep, I tried to take his bottle. He wasn't quite ready for that yet. He squirmed out of my arms and picked up his bottle and then squirmed back into my arms. I held him some more until he seemed disinterested in the bottle, and sang to him. Then I gave him a big kiss and put him in his crib. He stared up at me and I rubbed his belly while putting his blanket on him. Then I opened the door and closed it, as if I'd left. But I sat down in the chair near his crib. He played just
a bit then fell right to sleep. When he was sound asleep, I left. I am definitely developing that watchful father instinct. Every sound that came from his direction, I was off to listen more closely. Good thing we have a baby monitor for the house.

This morning, Nehama got us all up at 6:45am. We fed him a bottle and then did potty time. Lots of luck! We all took showers and got ready for our day. He's sleeping right now next to me. Nehama took him out in the stroller and he cried a cry and then fell asleep. We had a morning of toys and fun and peek-a-boo.

It is such an amazing experience to have gone from a skeptical few days to have him clutching on me or see him flash a big smile for Nehama or Denise. Before we got to take him back with us to the guest house, he began to cry when Nehama or I had to let go of him. It was hard to let him go and leave, but it was all a part of the process. He's attaching to us just fine.

We have a day and a half plane ride ahead of us, beginning tomorrow night. That'll be tough, but I think we're in a good place. I'm looking forward to introducing our little bundle of joy when we get back.

Fondly,

Jacob

p.s. Don't forget to call when you want to come over to make sure it's a good time. We'll be at our apartment in Inwood, 5000 Broadway, between 212 and 213, in Manhattan. My cell phone number is 646-369-0852.

email from ethiopia from nehama

hi everyone,

i can't get the blog site to load, so i am just sending an email. . .

we saw the baby on friday and saturday, for a couple of hours each time. when we first arrived, he was pretty skeptical of us. he was holding on to his nannies and didn't want to come to any of us. it was intense to realize that in the last 3 months, since i've been gone, he has grown up enough that he doesn't trust new people as quickly. i keep trying to remind myself that this is a good thing, and developmentally appropriate, and exactly what i want him to do, in terms of developing proper attachment to new adults in his life--but in that first moment, i would have given anything to have him want to come to me, instead of pulling away and crying.

we eventually got outside with some help and he was excited to play on little riding toys. he let us pull and push him around the playground for a while and would smile as long as he was going fast enough. :)

we left that day, a little worn out from the emotion of it all and were surprised to find out that we got to go back for an hour later in the afternoon. when we got there it was much of the same routine--reluctant at first, but then willing to come to the downstairs playroom with us. he ended up playing with some big lego blocks and taking turns with us giving us a block and then we would give it back to him. we learned a couple of amharic words like--betam teru, which means very good, and he would smile when we said it in our broken pronounciation.

saturday morning, we tried a different tactic. i went up the room by myself, to see if having one of us at a time helped. i looked in the room and there was no one there--until i realized they were all piled on a bed against one wall while one of the nannies was cleaning the floor. i looked around the corner of the door frame and saw him and he saw me--and i got a big smile. my heart melted. we played peek-a-boo around the edge of the door for a while and he would smile and laugh. i thought we were warmed up and came into the room to see if he would come downstairs and he started to cry and shy away again. this time i had reinforcements! i took out a little toy dog and held it out for him to take from my hand. he stopped crying and took the dog. we played with it for a while and eventually, when the other children we all going downstairs to play, i took him to where the adoptive families were playing with their kids.

he was much happier playing with us this time. we laughed. we chased him around the table. we played a game where he would kiss a doll and then we would kiss it, and eventually he was taking turns giving all three of us kisses. it was so incredibly sweet. to realize we built that much trust with him was just great.

everyone at the care center loves him and they all say hi everytime they walk by. on the one hand, i love that--on the other hand, it meant that at least half the time he would want to go with whoever just came over to give him a hug and would have a little meltdown again. overall, i think we are doing OK.

he said his first english word too!! jacob was reading him a little book with colors and pictures of cars. ashu would take the book after each time jacob read a word and hold it and stare at the page--it was so precious. one of the times, jacob read--purple, and when he took the book back we both watched him mouth and whisper--purple. how adorable! we were overjoyed. it was such an amazing moment.

for as much as it is hard to win him over at this age, it is so rewarding when he opens up to us and is playing and sweet.

i went to the office for a meeting with his doctor and social worker and saw an amazing movie that they made of his life. they took a video of the hut he was born in, and videos of his birth family working on their little farm. there is an interview with the family about how they want him to grow up, get a good education and be happy. it is such a treasure to have something like that for him for when he is old enough to understand and appreciate it.

while i was at the office, mom and jacob stayed at the center with the baby. after a little meltdown about not wanting lunch, which i was also a witness to, they played for a little while again. apparently the baby got tired and fell asleep right in jacob's arms. he is really warming up to all three of us and it is so sweet and heartwarming to get to become his parents.

today we go on a 3 hour trip to hosanna town, the place where his first orphanage was. there is a good chance that some member of his birth family, maybe even his birthmother will be there for a meeting. intense, but wonderful. . . and i can't imagine all the emotions that will be part of this day.

no pictures for now, but we'll hope to have some soon--or we'll try for them when we get home. there is dial-up here, so it is not the greatest internet connection.

can't wait to see many of you in a little less than 2 weeks at the baby naming! we'll be in touch. . .

love,
nehama and jacob and denise :)

arrived!

hi everyone.

we arrived in addis ababa today after a long trip! all 3 of us were pretty tired and cranky and i am so NOT looking forward to doing this will the little one!

so far the other people on the trip seem nice. we met 4 other families who are here for their adoptions.

tomorrow we have an orientation session and then we are going to meet our kids! it is very exciting. . .it is Mom and Jacob's first time meeting him, and for me it is getting to see him again for the first time, since this time i don't have to leave for longer than an overnight. . .

i'm going to try to keep up writing and recording memories.

keep checking in on the posts when you get a chance!

see you all in just over a week or two!

love,
nehama

BABY NAMING !!

YOU ARE INVITED:

Nehama Benmosche and Jacob Lieberman would like to invite you to the welcoming ritual for our son

A celebration of naming

and of

joining the Jewish community

January 31, 2009

@ 5 PM

8 days after we bring him to his new home

at

West End Synagogue

190 Amsterdam Ave @69th st

NYC, NY

We will join together for a mincha (afternoon prayer) service, including the public announcement of his English and Hebrew names

The service will conclude with Havdallah and a Seudat Mitzvah (a meal celebrating a Jewish ritual)

PLEASE RSVP to nehamarose@gmail.com or to lieberman_j@yahoo.com