email from ethiopia from nehama

hi everyone,

i can't get the blog site to load, so i am just sending an email. . .

we saw the baby on friday and saturday, for a couple of hours each time. when we first arrived, he was pretty skeptical of us. he was holding on to his nannies and didn't want to come to any of us. it was intense to realize that in the last 3 months, since i've been gone, he has grown up enough that he doesn't trust new people as quickly. i keep trying to remind myself that this is a good thing, and developmentally appropriate, and exactly what i want him to do, in terms of developing proper attachment to new adults in his life--but in that first moment, i would have given anything to have him want to come to me, instead of pulling away and crying.

we eventually got outside with some help and he was excited to play on little riding toys. he let us pull and push him around the playground for a while and would smile as long as he was going fast enough. :)

we left that day, a little worn out from the emotion of it all and were surprised to find out that we got to go back for an hour later in the afternoon. when we got there it was much of the same routine--reluctant at first, but then willing to come to the downstairs playroom with us. he ended up playing with some big lego blocks and taking turns with us giving us a block and then we would give it back to him. we learned a couple of amharic words like--betam teru, which means very good, and he would smile when we said it in our broken pronounciation.

saturday morning, we tried a different tactic. i went up the room by myself, to see if having one of us at a time helped. i looked in the room and there was no one there--until i realized they were all piled on a bed against one wall while one of the nannies was cleaning the floor. i looked around the corner of the door frame and saw him and he saw me--and i got a big smile. my heart melted. we played peek-a-boo around the edge of the door for a while and he would smile and laugh. i thought we were warmed up and came into the room to see if he would come downstairs and he started to cry and shy away again. this time i had reinforcements! i took out a little toy dog and held it out for him to take from my hand. he stopped crying and took the dog. we played with it for a while and eventually, when the other children we all going downstairs to play, i took him to where the adoptive families were playing with their kids.

he was much happier playing with us this time. we laughed. we chased him around the table. we played a game where he would kiss a doll and then we would kiss it, and eventually he was taking turns giving all three of us kisses. it was so incredibly sweet. to realize we built that much trust with him was just great.

everyone at the care center loves him and they all say hi everytime they walk by. on the one hand, i love that--on the other hand, it meant that at least half the time he would want to go with whoever just came over to give him a hug and would have a little meltdown again. overall, i think we are doing OK.

he said his first english word too!! jacob was reading him a little book with colors and pictures of cars. ashu would take the book after each time jacob read a word and hold it and stare at the page--it was so precious. one of the times, jacob read--purple, and when he took the book back we both watched him mouth and whisper--purple. how adorable! we were overjoyed. it was such an amazing moment.

for as much as it is hard to win him over at this age, it is so rewarding when he opens up to us and is playing and sweet.

i went to the office for a meeting with his doctor and social worker and saw an amazing movie that they made of his life. they took a video of the hut he was born in, and videos of his birth family working on their little farm. there is an interview with the family about how they want him to grow up, get a good education and be happy. it is such a treasure to have something like that for him for when he is old enough to understand and appreciate it.

while i was at the office, mom and jacob stayed at the center with the baby. after a little meltdown about not wanting lunch, which i was also a witness to, they played for a little while again. apparently the baby got tired and fell asleep right in jacob's arms. he is really warming up to all three of us and it is so sweet and heartwarming to get to become his parents.

today we go on a 3 hour trip to hosanna town, the place where his first orphanage was. there is a good chance that some member of his birth family, maybe even his birthmother will be there for a meeting. intense, but wonderful. . . and i can't imagine all the emotions that will be part of this day.

no pictures for now, but we'll hope to have some soon--or we'll try for them when we get home. there is dial-up here, so it is not the greatest internet connection.

can't wait to see many of you in a little less than 2 weeks at the baby naming! we'll be in touch. . .

love,
nehama and jacob and denise :)